Is anyone else looking back to last year thinking, THANK YOU FOR BEING OVER!? If so - I am right there with you. And trust me, my 2021 went out with nothing short of a bang.
Now, I am not someone to think that just because it is a new year that life will miraculously change, and all of the grief, loss, and troubles will go away. What I am though, is someone who believes in the importance of resetting.
Reflecting back on the last year, I was able to accomplish a variety of huge milestones. I received a promotion, I finished my MBA, my boyfriend and I tackled and succeeded in the housing market and purchased our first home, and I completed my first Olympic Triathlon. I took a two week trip to California with my sister, celebrated multiple bachelorettes and the love of many wedding parties, went to Vegas for a girlfriends "Dirty 30", road-tripped to Yellowstone and Colorado for two weeks, and went to my first Red Rocks concert and had an experience of a lifetime.
Why then, after everything 2021 offered me, was I ready for it to be over? It was because of grief.
Outside of all of that, I experienced friends and family that went through the struggles and loss of pregnancy. Many people in my life lost significant others, parents, and friends, including the passing of my uncle. Friends and family suffered from everything ranging from Covid to heart attacks, and suicide and addiction. And the week before Christmas we found out that a close family member was diagnosed with cancer. In hindsight my 2021 was a tremendous blessing, but the emotions, grief, and new fear of death shadowed my sight and vision. I spent hours crying harder than I have in years, nights drowned in alcohol, and days avoiding everything and everyone. Living "happily" didn't feel right. It didn't feel fair.
One should never put a timeline on grief - it is impossible to fill the void that the loss of a loved one leaves. And as an empath, feeling the loss for others can be extremely overwhelming. But in my circumstance, I realized my quality of life was hindering. My mental and physical health was not only impacting myself, but also those around me. I realized that without any changes, I would continue to be consumed with negative actions and thoughts. It was time for me to turn myself around.
As I write this, I feel truly grateful for this past year and the people that I am surrounded by. Although my boyfriend and I were quarantined at home during the holidays because we had gotten sick, it gave me ample time to rest, reflect, and most importantly, reset. I am coming into 2022 with a new energy. A drive that has been missing for months. And what is different about this motivation than past years, is I know I have a better understanding of myself. In the past, so many of my goals and achievements have been focused on how others would perceive me afterwards. But this year I realized that no amount of traveling or materialism would cover the loss and grief of what happens in life. This year I realized that who you surround yourself with and make time for is one of the most important choices you can make. And for the first time in years I have finally circled back to the mantra, "The person I will one day be, I am now becoming."
I am unsure of which direction my blog will take this year. But I know that I want to share my thoughts, experiences, and any resource that I utilize with others. Please, follow along! If there is just one person that I can help, it will all be worth it. For the first few weeks I will be reflecting on and writing about my new set goals and routines for 2022. I have already signed up for an Olympic Triathlon in June and have discussed the possibility of a Half Marathon and a Half Ironman for the fall; I will share anything I learn through that training process. If there is anything that 2021 has taught me, it is that life and our physical and mental health are literal gifts and not worth taking for granted. This year, instead of fearing life, I will embrace each day with appreciation and abundance - and I hope you can too.